I Have a Dream...

"Dreams are illustrations...from the book your Soul is writing about you."

~Marsha Norman

 I took Drawing 1 during my first quarter of returning to school last year to study Art. I've always thought that people had an innate talent for drawing, or they did not. I did not. My professor, however was brilliant about encouragement, insisting that drawing skills could in fact be learned. I never took to it much... but I felt it was certainly a good exercise for me, to show up for class each session & continue to work at something I felt I had simply no talent for. Notice that I have put LOTS of other beginner work on this blog- but no drawing... until now. For our final project we had to do a series of 3 drawings that represented something about ourselves. For one of those drawings, I chose to draw my dream home. As you can see, it is nothing special... a simple home with open space, (although in reality it would have a couple more rooms & an extra bath for guests!) I'm posting it now, because it has been on my mind for at least the last 5 years or so.... but even more so now that I am back in school. If anyone has been following this blog... you know that I have been struggling with my decision to return to school in terms of financial output. Each quarter I go, my savings is depleted more & more, and the further I am financially from some day having a simple little home somewhere out in the country (with a little Art studio- funny how I didn't draw in the extra bedrooms, but managed to draw a rather large studio!) I just question a lot lately if I am making the right choice at this stage in the game. It's not that I question going to school at this age (42)... who cares how old you are, & I really enjoy learning! I love making Art & exploring the different mediums & techniques to see what it is I'm good at, and what I totally suck at. It's just at this age, I think, "O.K, this'll cost me around 25-30 grand in tuition by the time I finish, not to mention throwing away money on rent..." (since I've been schooling more & working less, I seriously doubt I could get financed if there was anything I could afford anyhow!) I've already paid back the Government 32 grand in previous student loans which took a long time to pay off... sometimes working at jobs & locations where I was miserable... just getting through. I'm just trying to figure out if I'm making the right decisions for myself at this point in my life, or if I should go back to the drawing board as it were. No, I don't need a degree to make Art. And a degree does not by any means suggest I could actually make some sort of living from it. Honestly, I'm thinking I need to shift gears on what is really important to me. Having a home is so important on so many levels. The feeling of security, a sense of place, a place to rest & call your own. Having traveled for work the past 5 years, moving stuff in & out of storage every 2-3 months... I just long for one place where I know where all my things are! Even since arriving here last year to pursue school- I've packed up & left twice during summer & winter breaks to return to my travel job to make cash to continue. Damn if I don't want it all. A home, the chance to continue my Art Education, time to pursue my other dreams, (long distance hiking, traveling...) but for now, I'm just reevaluating & hoping that I can come up with some new idea on how to make it all work...